Archive for November, 2008

The Traveling Pants Minus Plan B

{ November 27, 2008 @ 11:37 pm } · { Feminist Rants }
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So…I just watched the The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants 2. Yeah. I’m a dork. I thought the first one was cute and the second was too.

Of course I just HAVE to analyze something in it. Tibby and the broken condom. I have not read the books, but I’m happy they decided to touch on it in the movie. She has sex like your average college student with her long term boyfriend and the condom breaks. Most of us have been there. At the same time she calls herself a feminist, but she has no idea that there is something called an emergency contraceptive. What kind of feminist goes to NYU and doesn’t know about Plan B? UGH! They didn’t even make it an option for her!

Does this have something to do with the target audience? I don’t know much about the books, but I’m guessing they were aiming for a teen audience. It’s like a conspiracy. They don’t want women to have abortions, but they don’t want us to have birth control either. At the same time we’re not supposed to have sex at all! Oh wait! We’re supposed to have sex when we’re married so that we can procreate, right? But that’s the only time. So, if we only have sex while we are married and to procreated, then we don’t need birth control or abortions.

So, if Tibby had been pregnant (she obviously wasn’t) she would have just had the baby and missed out on all the wonderful things about being in college and following her dreams. “LUCKILY”, it was just a scare. She still should have had the option of some sort of back-up contraception.

The thing that got me the most?  Tibby said that she felt something very strong/special that night and she thought she was being punished for having those feelings…….

Now, I know I’m mixing fiction and real life, but what about society would make a college aged woman feel like she needed to be punished for enjoying sex with the man she’s in love with?  It’s because society’s views of women and sex are completely off base.  Actually stupid would be better.  STUPID.

Sorry.  This stuff makes me angry.  I am happy that they showed at least one reality: some of us ladies have pregnancy scares.  GO TRAVELING PANTS! WHOO HOO! 

Watch it.  It’s a cute movie and it’s not just for little girls or teenagers.  I liked it.  They just need to do an edit and add the part where Tibby goes to the pharmacy to get Plan B.  :)

Spinsters, Old Maids, Playboys, and Lady-Killers

{ November 25, 2008 @ 9:34 pm } · { Feminist Rants }
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As you all know I have been watching a TON of Sex and The City lately. Yeah…I’m poor. I don’t have cable. But I do have my own apartment, so it evens out.

Oh and I don’t want to hear anything about my love for Sex and The City and my love for feminism. I know they do not necessarily belong in the same category. So, leave it alone.

Anyway….

The ladies were having brunch or whatever it is they call it, and this topic came up for like 3 seconds. It came from the HBO version of me, Miranda.

I do not have it verbatim, but she said something about it being unfair that older, single women get to be old maids and spinsters. The opposite being that men get to be playboys…and something else. Lets use lady-killers, ladies man, heavy hitter, pleasure seeker, etc. Women, on the other hand, are described as goody-goodies or prudes.

Notice anything?

Why is it that older, single women have the terrible labels? We’re punished, we’re prudish. The guys are “bachelors.” The only time we are allowed to use the term “bachelorette” is at the party our girlfriends throw us right before we take the plunge and get married. For it to even be considered a bachelorette party we have be drunk and acting like we’re in a Girls Gone Wild video. I do not get it. Of course if you act like anything but a prude, you’re a slut, right? Where is the middle ground?

I do realize that I am hitting on a very old subject. It’s the double standard. Who had the idea that women should be called old maids or even…prudes, just because we are unmarried? It’s not a curse to be single. For me it is a pleasure. Sure, I get lonely every now and then. At the same time I am happy with my situation. There is nothing lame about being 25 and single, just like there’s nothing lame about being 45 and single. Embrace it.

So, I want you all to come up with a different word for single women, younger or older. I’m single, but I am definitely not a goody-goody or a prude. That is your challenge. Come up with something new for all the beautiful single women. If guys can be heavy hitters, we can be………._________________________. Fill in the blank. And man-eater is not one of them. I don’t care what Nelly Furtado says.

Jealousy

{ November 24, 2008 @ 9:00 pm } · { Lovin' You...... }
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I’ve been watching LOTS of Sex and The City lately (I have all 6 seasons on DVD and no cable). Right now Miranda is in labor. Her water just broke all over Carrie’s ridiculously expensive shoes.

Anyway, Samanatha just caught Richard cheating on her. Blah!

Earlier in the episode she was totally freaking out on him. She accused him of cheating and he denied it. Then she caught him cheating.

Watching her show her insecurities like that brought back alot of memories for me. Have you ever watched something on TV and just knew exactly how they felt? I was really relating to Samanatha just then.

What I am wondering is, why do I still have those feelings? I’m alone. I have no one to get bad vibes from. There’s no one to ignore my text messages or phone calls. I am not feeling that wicked sense of jealousy on a daily basis, like I felt when I was with Eric. That’s not what I mean. What really bothers me is that just by watching a show I can conjure those feelings. Before him, before all of that mess, I did not even know what jealousy felt like. Sure, I had the occassional “oh she’s sooo pretty” feelings, but that is completely different from the psychotic, off the wall feelings I had when I was with him post-cheating.

Of course, I was talking to Larry and I saw that side of myself once again. Do I get those feelings because I KNOW something is up? Or do I get those feelings because I’m terrified it is going to happen again? Larry did turn out to be a dirt bag.

It’s hard for me to understand how I can still have those feelings. It’s not just jealousy, it’s pure terror that something bad is going to happen again. I can’t even put into words how devastated I was when Eric broke up with me for that girl.

But this isn’t about Eric. This is about me. Will those feelings ever go away? Are they intuitive or are they paranoia? A little of both? I just don’t know what to think anymore. I’m scared that if a TV show is still bringing those feelings up, they might not ever go away.

Our Trip To Athens

{ November 23, 2008 @ 7:09 pm } · { Travel }
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Well, I got back from Athens, Georgia last night.  I was tired.  I’m still tired, but I had alot of fun.

We arrived around 10:00 pm Friday night.  The night life in Athens is a little lame.  We bar hopped.  Met a few people that we never want to talk to again.  Took bad pictures.  Had too much to drink.  Danced.  Went back to the hotel to sleep.

Breakfast was at this cool littler diner called Grit. It was a vegetarian place. I ordered biscuits with wheat gravy and regretted it. Brooke’s food was good though. haha Oh and the biscuits and eggs were good. I just didn’t like the gravy. blah!

We went to Wild Wing Cafe after the bookstore and it was TERRIBLE. The ones in Charlotte are better. The food was not so great and the service was ever worse. Plus, Brooke and I were the only none white people for MILES and we’re HALF WHITE! Crazy.

I do not have any pictures of Friday night.  I’m waiting for Brooke to send them to me.

Ok, I lied.  I have two pictures.  Brooke posted them on her Myspace page, so I stole them.  By the way…she has her Top Model poses and I didn’t bother to put on make-up or do anything with my hair.  Apparently Brooke and I were WAY under dressed to go bar hopping in Athens.  haha Oh well.  I’m 25, I don’t have to care about that shit anymore.

Photobucket is taking FOREVER to load the pics. GOOOOOOOSH!

Finally:

This is me and Brooke.  Uhm….I just have to say that I do not really care for this picture. BUT it is WAY better than some of the other ones we took.  yuck.

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This is me and Brooke again. A little better.

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The next few photos are things I bought at the craft fair. It was really fun. We saw alot of cool stuff. It’s just sucks that we didn’t have more money.

Me at the craft fair. I had a slight hang over and it was cold. Plus, I forgot to bring my make-up. Duh!  Brooke says I look hardcore.  Yeah right, but I’ll take that.
Me at the craft fair

A Necklace
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Bracelet
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Bracelet #2
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My $3.00 pouch. It holds my money, cards, and ID. And Brooke got me the little pin with the coffee on it.
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My bag. I’d say it’s one of a kind, but who knows. It’s made of fabric (duh!) and a vintage tie. It’s got pockets on the inside and a change purse. I LOVE it.
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A book I got at the book store in Downtown Athens. Cool bookstore.  The girl working there asked me if I was a fashion merchandising major or something like it.  How about no? lol Where would she get an idea like that?  I’m as sooooo not fashionable.
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Me after we got back. In my defense I would like to say that I forgot my make-up. So there!
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That’s all for now. It was fun. Comment if you’d like.

Because I’m waiting for Friday which = Athens!!!!!

{ November 20, 2008 @ 8:57 pm } · { General Information }
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Who was the last perso​n you gave up on?
Larry….well I don’t think I ever really believed  in him….so Eric.

Have you talke​d to a compl​ete assho​le today​?​​
I barely spoke to him today.  Luckily I was leaving as he arrived.

Are you comfo​rtabl​e answe​ring these​ perso​nal quest​ions?​​
These are not personal questions

Last time you consu​med alcoh​ol?​​
A few weeks ago I had two beers at Brooke’s and I thought I was going to barf.  Before that….my birthday when I got so fucking wasted it kinda put me off alcohol.  Seriously.

Do you think​ relat​ionsh​ips are ever worth​ it?
With the right person…hey…I’m not completely jaded. Not yet.

If you could​ pack up and move,​​ would​ you?
DEFINITELY!  I’m ready to start over again.

Do yourparen​ts reall​y know you?
My mom does.  My dad…never really tried.

When was the last time you laugh​ed reall​y hard?​​
To be honest? I can’t remember.  I laugh alot with Brooke, but I haven’t lost my ability to breathe.  Maybe in Athens….lol

What are you weari​ng right​ now?
A long sleeved shirt…socks and my underpants.  Hey! I live alone. Don’t judge me.

What do you want right​ now?
I want to be ok.  That’s all I want right now.
Does anyon​e like you?
LOL I doubt it.  Except that weird kid that comes to talk to me at work.  But he is dumb.  I told him the other day that he needs to read more books and stop being so ignorant.

Are your paren​ts divor​ced?​​
Duh.
Have you ever kisse​d anyon​e whose​ name start​s with a J?
No. 

Do you love peopl​e easil​y?​​
Definitely not.  Or maybe I do and that’s why I get hurt.

When is the last time you saw your numbe​r 1 on your top frien​ds?​​
Like four years ago.  Cuz he was always In College Station when I went to El Paso.

Who was the last perso​n to call you?
The people from University of Phoenix cuz I owe them money since I dropped out.
What’​​s your mood?​​
calm…and scared…but calm

If you took a drug test would​ you pass it?
Depends on what they are looking for. haha I have Seroquel, Prozac, and birth control in my system. ha

When’​​s the last time you cried​?​​

When I found out that Larry burned me.  And I’m not talking about the cigarette burns he left on my arm when we FIRST started talking

Did you enjoy​ your weeke​nd?​​
Last weekend: no The weekend that is coming up: HELL YEAH

When’​​s the last time you ran?
I had to have been drunk…running downtown like a idiot cuz I was wasted.  Other wise I don’t run.

Do you like your first​ name?​​
It’s “classy” if you have enough money to shop there.  Otherwise I hate it. My parents are lame.  I’m going to be an old lady named Tiffany.

Are you jealo​us of anyon​e right​ now?
No.  I’m not dating anyone.  That’s the only time I ever felt jealous

Do you regre​t doing​ somet​hing today​?​​
I regret wasting $40 to go to the doctor

Last perso​n you told a secre​t to?
I don’t have alot of secrets.  But the last person I told my last secret to…I think she told her boyfriend and I don’t appreciate that shit.

What’​​s irrit​ating​ you right​ now?
The fact that I am the only person at my place of employment that has a college degree and I make less than EVERYONE.

Is there​ anyon​e that you hate?​​
Larry.  And someone that I can’t mention cuz it could have an impact on my “real” life. haha

What do you think​ your best frien​d’​​s doing​ right​ now?
I don’t have a best friend anymore.  They have all moved on with their lives.

Did anyon​e watch​ you the last time you kisse​d someo​ne?​​
No because he never wanted to be see in public with me. WOW…that’s embarrassing to admit

When you’​​re walki​ng,​​ do you stop to drink​?​​
That’s stupid. 

Do you belie​ve that if you want somet​hing bad enoug​h you’​​ll get it?
Not really.  There was something I wanted to work so badly and I spent 4 years figuring out that no matter how much I wanted it….it wasn’t going to work.

Have you ever kisse​d someo​ne in a vehic​le?​​
Yeah

Kill or Be kille​d?​​
Kill.  Fuck that.  I’m not just going to BE KILLED.

Break​ someo​ne’s heart​ or have your heart​ broke​n?​​
Had my heart broken not once, but TWICE by the same guy. I’m awesome at this love thing

Who was the last perso​n you hugge​d?​​
Brooke’s parents.  How sad.  I’m such a loser

Do you like someo​ne right​ this secon​d?​​
If we’re talking about “boys” the answer is NO!

Are you a forgi​ving perso​n?​​
Depends.

What are you about​ to do?
Dry my hair and go to sleep

Are you liste​ning to anyth​ing?​​
 I’m watching a weird movie and this guy is losing his virginity. Yuck.

What are you scare​d of?
Being the person that everyone thinks I am.  I wanna be better than that

Last song you sang out loud?​​
A Song For You    Chrisitna Aguilera & Herbie Hancock….originally by Donnie Hathaway. Love that song.

Are you think​ing of someo​ne right​ now?
Unfortunately

Why are you singl​e?​​
WTF…is being single a bad thing?  Oh yeah that’s right.  I’m 25 and female so there’s something WRONG because I don’t have a boyfriend. Ass holes.  I’m single because I’m tired of guys fucking with my emotions, lying to me, and treating me like shit.  And not I’m not ok with it yet, but I’m getting there.

Have you ever wishe​d you had a diffe​rent last name?​​
No…what goes good with Tiffany? NOTHING

Why did you kiss the last perso​n you kisse​d?​​
I kissed him because I thought he really gave a shit about me.  Oops.  There I go thinking again.

Do peopl​e under​estim​ate you?
I used to think so.  Now…I don’t even know what I’m capable of anymore.

Do you wear a lot of black​?​
Sometimes

Can you sleep​ witho​ut blank​ets cover​ing you?
No. That feels weird

What’​​s the first​ thing​ you did when you woke up this morni​ng?​​
I laid back down and tried to convince myself that I have something to live for

What were you doing​ at ten last night​?​​
Trying to sleep.  I hate insomnia

Did you cry today​?​​
Nope.  Although I want to right now. LOL My answers to these questions seem kinda pathetic.  But that’s where I am right now.  Sad again.  Oh well.

Another Dr. Appointment

{ November 20, 2008 @ 11:35 am } · { CrAzY }
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Blah…I have an appointment with the psychiatrist today.  Blah.  All he’s going to do is give me another prescription for what I am already taking.  The bill will probably be like $280.  The insurance won’t pay because they say that EVERYTHING I go to the Dr. for is a pre-existing condition.  Technically this is pre-existing, but STILL! Who cares?  Why do I have insurance if they don’t pay for SHIT?!?

Photo time:
Bipolar II Pie Chart

Isn’t that “depressing”?  Ugh.

For the most part I have been feeling pretty shitty lately.  I’ve been torturing myself with thoughts of my downward spiraling financial situation, Eric, and work.

I’m back to my insomniac nights.

I’m itching to start smoking, get a tattoo, or get another round of body piercing.  All of which I can not afford.

If you’re wondering where the smoking comes in…

I’m allergic to smoke, I had asthma really bad as a kid.  But when I went out for my 25th birthday with Breena and her friends, I got so wasted that I was smoking a cigarrette.  For some reason I have been having these desires to do things to my body.  Does that sound weird?  A tattoo? More piercings?  There’s something about marking my body that is soooooooooooooooooo appealing right now.  It’s almost like stress relief.

I can’t afford a tattoo or piercings and I WILL NOT become a smoker.   Why do I want to do these things to myself?  In the end I still have to deal with my life, right?  Why am I CRAVING this stuff?  It’s weird and scary.

Hmmm….I guess I will save that for the psychiatrist.  And he will get annoyed because I’m supposed to be in therapy and I’m not because I can’t even afford him.  How am I supposed afford therapy too?

Italian Crucifixion Anti-Rape Ad

{ November 19, 2008 @ 8:13 pm } · { Feminist Rants }
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This is where I found this…also HERE.

Italian Crucifixion Rape Awareness Ad

This Italian ad reads:

Who pays for man’s sins? Only four per cent of women who suffer sexual violence report their assailants.

What do you all think? Does this sexualize the crucifixion? Does it eroticize rape? Is it sending a good message? A bad message?

Personally, I think it is artfully done. To me it looks very much like many portraits I have seen of “The Crucifixon.” And I think they have a valid point as well. Most Italians are Catholic and I am sure the people that made this ad had that in mind. They knew people would pay attention. Unfortunately, the “powers that be” aka the Pope (among many other MEN) is upset by this ad.

“Reached for comment, Pope Benedict XVI said that he plans on suing Telefono Donna, citing that the Roman Catholic Church owns the copyright on the crucifixion symbol.”

Is that really true? Does the Roman Catholic Church really “own the copyright” on the crucifixion symbol? WTF

A little more background:

“It’s apparently being posted in several Italian cites by the national Telefono Donna rape helpline to raise awareness for the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, Tuesday, November 25th.”

This has a very powerful message. And before you comment…keep in mind that not all countries in the world eroticize breast the way Americans do.

So…tell me what you think.

Obama The Dildo?

{ November 17, 2008 @ 8:28 pm } · { General Information }
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Ok….there are sooooooooooo many things wrong with this, but at the same time.  It’s kinda funny.  Let me site my source: Womanist Musings. Love that blog.

And here is your picture:

The Obama Dildo

Hmm….as Renee (womanist musings’s Renee) said, “Once you go black, you never go back.”

We normally view the phallus as a thing of power in our patriarchal world; however the intent of this particular phallus is not to maintain male hegemony but to demean black men by reducing them to roving penises for hire, in support of a system in which all but the rich profit.

I agree, I agree. It’s rather sad that they had to find a way to decry the first Mixed President Elect. I’m not calling him black…cuz he’s mixed and that’s what I wanna call him. Is this their way of lowering him to where they think he really belongs? I also agree that this is another way for white women to fulfill their fantasies with black men without ruining their “reputation.” I don’t mean this about all white women, ok? So, don’t get all crazy just yet.

The funny thing? I’m actually watching the episode of Sex and the City that has Samantha dating a black guy and his sister didn’t approve. Hmmm. Signs. Signs. Everywhere you look.

Anyway comment. I wanna know what you all think about the Obama Dildo? Would you buy one? Or would it be weird to have Obama so close to your cunt? hahahaha I think it would be weird, but that’s just me.

The Weight Gain

{ November 16, 2008 @ 11:04 pm } · { body image }
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Blah.

So, I’m tired of people being so damn negative.  Let me just say that if you want to criticize anything on this blog…come prepared.  And have something INTELLIGENT to say.  Don’t get mad just because I said I’m not jealous of Sarah Palin.  I’m not.  I don’t want to be a white, republican, pro-life woman from Alaska.  Nope…hehehehe. It’s funny that people are still so upset about her.  They lost.  Get over it.  It’s our turn now.

That being said, let’s get to the point of this entry.  Weight.

Ugh! I have never been one to complain about my weight.  I’ve never had any WEIGHT to speak of.  You all know this.  I know this.  My mom knows this.  So why…have I gained like 15 pounds in the last 6 months?  This would not be a big deal if my clothes still fit.

Is this a result of the anti depressants? The mood stabilizer? Living alone? Being single? My birth control? BLAH! all of which I can not change right now.

I can not afford to buy new clothes.  I have started to hate the way I look in pictures.  The thigh areas of my pants are too tight.  My stomach is starting to have permanent impressions from the buttons on my pants.  It’s uncomfortable to sit down.

Don’t get me wrong ladies/guys.  I know that I have nothing to complain about.  I just find it odd that I am having such an issue with my body now.  I have never really had body image issues.  Well, like everyone else I have my little things I do not like, but this is becoming a major issue for me.

I’m 5′9″ and add another half inch to that.  When I went to the dr. a few weeks ago I was 162.  I tell you this as I eat 8 fresh out of the oven chocolate chip cookies. 

How do you all deal with you body image issues?  I hate working out.  It’s BORING.  But I know that I am getting older and my metabolism is slowing down.  All my meds probably aren’t helping.  Is being single and living alone making this worse? The chocolate chip cookies?  I can’t give up the cookies! That’s the only junk food I can afford now (if I have a coupon)!

I’ll stop complaining now.  I was just wondering how everyone deals with this.  I’m tired of act like I don’t have body image issues just because i’m “thin.”  Us “thin” girls have problems too.  I want to love myself as I am, but it’s hard with the media telling us something different.  The fact that I don’t have anyone telling me how beautiful I am and that they love me is not aiding me at all. (Cue: The I Miss Eric Memories. BLAH)

I’m going now.  Leave some comments.  Preferably advice that does not require a treadmill.  How do you love yourselves?

Why Do I Keep Doing This?

{ November 15, 2008 @ 7:55 pm } · { General Information }
{ Tags: , , , } · { Comments (3) }

So, I’m been posting alot lately. This is because I lack something better to do, but it also helps me. I can “talk” when no one else is around to listen to me.

But why do I keep writing? It doesn’t seem like anyone is listening and it doesn’t seem like anyone cares. I do not expect an overwhelming response to every word that I “utter.” I just wanna know that someone is “listening.”

I have two sisters and a brother that do not read my blog. I’m pretty sure they don’t….I think. That makes me sad. I love the three of them with all of my heart. My brother is disinterested because he’s a guy, he’s 18, and I guess he has better things to do. My sisters. I don’t know why they would not read. Maybe it is because they do not see the things that I see. They have a support system. I do not. Sure, we have very different views when it comes to religion. But I respect their views. At the same time, shouldn’t we be able to talk about that stuff? And it’s hard for me to understand why they get all weird and act like I’m some kinda of radical when I mention women’s rights. Do they not realize that women had to FIGHT to get us to where we are today? Then again….no. I won’t make a comment about my father and their mother. It’s not their fault their mother is a submissive, whiny wife to my overly dominate, RIDICULOUS father. That is beyond our control. I just want to know that they will support me in my endeavours. I would do the same for them.

It’s heartbreaking, really. I know I am not an eloquent writer. My vocabulary is not even close to where I would like it to be. It makes me sad that I have the guts to express myself and you all have nothing to say in return. This blog shows me the stats. I know you all are clicking on my links from the myspace bulletins. I know how many people visit my blog every day. One day I had 86 visits and not one comment. Are you all scared to agree or disagree? Or do you just not care?

I don’t know why I am doing this anymore? I try to share information and the only person I ever get feedback from is Brooke. Occasionally I have visits from people that do not even know me in “real life.” That’s it? That’s all I get from you guys? I put all this out there for you to see and it falls on deaf ears. Sad.

Anyway, I’m sure I will continue to write. I just hope that you all are listening and reading. If you think what I say is stupid…TELL ME! Just don’t call me names. Come with your intelligence. I’d be happy to “hear” what you have to say.  Or you can just remain anonymous like you already are.

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