Archive for December, 2008

El Paso, El Paso

{ December 28, 2008 @ 3:18 pm } · { Personal, Travel }
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I’m sitting in the El Paso International Airport and of course my flight has been delayed for an hour.  This is how it started last time.  Hopefully I won’t get stuck in Atlanta FOREVER, like I got stuck in Houston last time I came to visit.  That was six hours of hell.

My visit was pretty relaxing.  I wasn’t running around partying like every other time I come to town.  I was tired.

I got to meet Mikaela, Vanessa’s baby.  She is adorable and I know she’s going to be a mess when she gets a little older.  :)   I’ll post pics of her later.  She’s nine months old now.  Time is flying.

This trip has made me sad.  All of my friends are moving on with their lives and I sort of feel stuck.  I’m so happy for them, but I feel weird missing out on all these major events.  I haven’t done anything truly amazing yet.  I am not engaged or impregnated.  I have no desire for either of those, but I can’t believe I’m missing all of the wonderful things my friends are dealing with.

Before I came out here I was contemplating moving back to Texas.  Now I just want to drop everything and move.  I HATE North Carolina.  I don’t want to be there anymore and there’s nothing holding me back except for working.  I don’t really know what the job market is like out here.

I don’t want to move back to El Paso.  I will never fit in here again, but I do want to move back to Texas.  I’ve been thinking about moving back here to save some money.  I would just have to find a job…and it sucks that I don’t speak spanish.

I dunno.  Maybe……I really wish I had the money to just pick up and move.  I wish I had a ton of marketable skills and I could get a job with a company that would pay for me to relocate.

I think 2009 will be another year of change for me.  I am finishing up my application to graduate school.  Hopefully, I will get in to TWU and I can move to Denton in August.  I’ll be by myself again, but I think I can manage.  Atleast I will be within driving distance of my friends and my family.  Plus, my brother will be in Houston going to school.

We’ll see.  If you would like to contribute to the Tiffany Needs To Move Fund, feel free!  I’ll be happy to give you my address.  :)

Anyway, this is a post of random thoughts.  OK this dude just threw up in the trash can right across from me. EWWWW!!!!!!!!!

What Happened To My Music?

{ December 13, 2008 @ 8:25 pm } · { CrAzY }
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As some of you know, I recently bought an IPOD.  Yes, I sold out.  I’m a ridiculous consumer.  I bought into it. But…I LOVE what this thing has done for me.

I have pulled out all my old cds to put my favorite songs onto my IPOD.  I can’t believe I have let the music leave my life.  Music used to be ME.  That was my thing.  Now?  I am such a music loser!

I used to listen to Korn.  I’m talking about Life is Peachy, Korn.  Not that garbage they’ve come out with in the last 5 years or so.  And I used to listen to Rap.  Remember DMX and Twista? lol Those are my bad rappers.  What about old School (and new) Nas and Jay-Z?  The Rush Hour soundtrack? lol

I will admit that I own a Sisqo cd, all the NSYNC cds (including the European ones), and all of Britney Spears (except Blackout), and all of Christina Aguilera and Mariah Carey.  I’m a pop kid. 

But I had forgotten about all the other things I used to listen to.  How did I forget and why am I so excited to have rediscovered my love for music?  How did I fall off the face of the musical earth?

Oh I also own 2 Ja Rule cds and all of Michael Jackson’s old stuff.

Then there’s the Red Hot Chili Peppers? Oh how I’ve missed them!

I will admit that I own lots of “bad” music.  Regardless of what some people may think about my poor music choices, these cds and these songs mean something to me.  I have been reminded that I have been cutting myself off from a world that I can not actually create myself.  I will never be Christina or Mariah or even Britney, but I can listen and imagine and wow.

The Beatles.

Lauryn Hill (before she went crazy lady on your ass)

Old School Madonna (you love to hate it)

Really, most of my musical choices reflect the fact that I am a gay man trapped in a woman’s body.  But still….hehe

Coldplay.  Alicia Keys.  The Temptations.  Erykah Badu.  Bush (remember them??)  Outkast.  Mase.

Don’t say anything about Mase.  That was my shit in 9th grade.

The Beastie Boys.  What is better than Licensed To Ill?

Ludacris: Back For The First Time

Incubus, Destiny’s Child (when they first came out, lovesit)

Mary J. Blige (old school), No Doubt (Tragic Kingdom, DUH!), Eminem, Maroon 5.

Maxwell! Kylie Minogue (told you I was a gay man)

Dj Laz for my El Paso people.

I love music. Good. Bad. And I am happy I was able to rediscover some old stuff.  I had forgotten about Korn and Candy Rain (lol see if you can remember that far back).

So, look at my list of bad/good music.  I suggest that you guys find some old stuff.  Remember how much it means to you.  Some of those old songs will bring back old feelings, remind you of boyfriends/girlfriends, good and bad times.  Oddly enough, some songs even bring back different SMELLS! 

I may be having a hypomanic episode. haha Or I’m just enjoying something I never should have let slip out of my life.

Music!  I’ve missed you.

Here We Go

{ December 5, 2008 @ 10:49 am } · { Feminist Rants }
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I’m sure you all can sense that I am not a fan of the Bush Administration.  Here is another reason why:

http://www.feministing.com/cgi-bin/movabletype/mt-tb.fcgi/10744

 

That is just a portion of the story.  Honestly, I wish other people would let WOMEN decide what they want to do with their bodies.  It’s sad that the government would allow doctors and other healthcare professional deny someone INFORMATION.  How can you make an informed decision if you do not have ALL the information?  It should be available.

In case you were too lazy to click on the link and read…

Before Bush and his lame administration leave office they want to bring about something called a “right of conscience” rule.  Basically, this will give healthcare providers the right to NOT give information about abortion based on their moral beliefs.  This could also include birth control and artificial insemination.

So, who gets hurt the most by this?  Young women, like myself, that are on birth control for whatever reason.  Lower income women.  Lesbian couples that may try to get pregnant.  Hetero couples that are trying to get pregnant. Even gay men that are trying to get their serogate pregnant.  Can you all imagine finding out you are pregnant and then your doctor will not even tell you about all your possible options?

As far as I’m concerned, it’s not right.  Sure, don’t perform the task if you don’t believe in it.  But you can not refuse to give INFORMATION or atleast direct someone to the right information.  This is scary.  They have too much control over women’s reproductive rights.  The Bush Administration is trying to LIMIT our access to information.  This is their way of saying “fuck you” to women.  Instead of going through the courts to change something like Roe v. Wade, they are just going to take away our information.  Shady.

 

Anyway, think about that.  Many of you may not be concerned with this, but if they can take away our reproductive rights, what else will they try?

Working Out Sucks

{ December 4, 2008 @ 11:00 am } · { General Information }
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So, I bought an Ipod on Monday.  Yeah, I’m stupid consumer.  I bought into it.  But…I think it was the best product for what I paid.  I also got a free set of speakers and I can listen to anything I want at work now.  Plus, I started working out yesterday.  The new Britney Spears album is fun to listen to while I run/walk on a treadmill.

Again, i gave in.  I got my ass on a treadmill yesterday. Forty-five whole minutes. I’m alway telling myself, “Fuck your fascist beauty standards!”  At the same time, I have gained about 20 pounds in the last 2-3 months.  It’s getting out of control.  My doctor says it is probably because of my meds.  Now I am supposed to work out 3 days a week for 30 minutes. BOOOOOO!  But I have to do it.  I can’t afford to buy anymore new clothes for work.  Also, I can only get my ass into ONE pair of the 20 pairs of jeans that I own.  Yes, I seriously have ATLEAST 20 pairs of jeans….and that doesn’t include PANTS of different materials. 

I don’t mind the extra weight on my legs or my ass for that matter.  Or my boobs.  My stomach and my face are the things that are bugging me.  It’s also getting really uncomfortable in my clothes.  too small clothes SUCK!

This entry is kinda random and weird.  I feel weird today, but I have not written anything in a while.

Oh yeah…I’m supposed to be going to this bipolar/depression support group.  Doctor’s orders.  I skipped on Tuesday.  I guess I will go tonight, but I’m kind of freaked out about it.  Fight Club is my favorite movie, but I keep thinking this group will be like the one in the movie. I wonder if they will have free coffee…..

Anyway, I’ll let you guys know how it goes.  If I don’t go to the support group tonight that means I have to get on the treadmill again. Yuck.