Archive for January, 2009

Days 4 & 5

{ January 31, 2009 @ 8:07 pm } · { Personal, work }
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I’m tired. Blah!!!!

Day 4 was ok.  It was boring.  Nothing too interesting happened.

Day 5….it was ok.  I was a little overwhelmed, but it wasn’t too bad.  I just need to really learn the menu and I don’t know know shit about the drinks (alcoholics).  It suuuuuuuuuuucks.  But I’ll learn it all eventually.

Overall, I guess it has been ok.  Alot of the girls still refuse to talk to me.  OH WELL! Ha ha! I just think it’s weird that people aren’t friendly.  Why would you just ignore someone that you have to work with?  Especially if you might have to ask them for help.  I dunno…I guess that’s just me.

I do not go back until Wednesday.  The cool thing is that I get to work in the morning.  I don’t really know any of the people that work at night.  So, I’m happy I can do my first few shifts on my own with people that I know will help me.

I only have $60 in my bank account.  I’m sad and scared.  Don’t ask me what my credit score is right now. LOL it’s BAD.  I’m happy I already own a car and I don’t have to go looking for a loan right now.  Wow.

I WANNA GO DANCING!  El Paso suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.  I miss all my single friends in Charlotte.  I don’t know what it is about El Paso.  Everyone here wants to have kids and get married and be all family oriented.  Hehehe.  That sounds bad.  I’m just really selfish right now.  I want to go out and do things and experience life.  Everyone here seems content with what they have.  I don’t know what to think about that.

Anyway, this is short.  I’m going to finish unpacking my clothes…or not.

American Apparel…blah

{ January 30, 2009 @ 12:10 am } · { Feminist Rants }
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I’m going to make this short but sweet.

Many in the feminism world do not like American Apparel. I’ve told friends not to shop there (they are in Charlotte, I don’t know if EP has one). Because of well…..check this out…

He pursues his point. “Out of a thousand sexual harassment claims how many do you think are exploitive? There are almost no sexual harassment charges from men against women. They’re not acceptable – it’s considered that only women are the victims.

“Women initiate most domestic violence, yet out of a thousand cases of domestic violence maybe one is involving a man.” And this, Charney decries, “has made a victim culture out of women.”

Most of us know that men are sexual assaulted/harassed also. It’s under reported, just like sexual assault/harassment of women. I would say that this is another way patriarchy hurts men…but that’s another subject.

Many times I want to slap lots of men, but Dov Charney, founder of American Apparel is a fucking jack ass. Sure their stuff is “sweat-shop free,” but that doesn’t change anything.

The reason I’m bringing this up is because…of this fake advertisement, which includes the the latter part of the above quote:
American Apparel

That is Charney or is supposed to be Charney.  They say it’s him, and it looks like him. Like I said, it’s FAKE, the picture is taken from this real ad:

Photobucket

And HERE is the article with that lame quote from Charney. It’s pretty old, but someone decided to stir up some trouble with the fake ad.  I’m not even sure how old that is, but it’s currently a bit of a fuss.

K…I’m done. Just wanted to share why some of us don’t like American Apparel.

Days 2 & 3

{ January 29, 2009 @ 8:12 pm } · { work }
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Day 2 at Applebee’s

I train for 5 days before they leave me to drown on my own. So, I decided that since I have nothing better to do I will let you all know how it’s all going.

Everything went pretty well. Except for this girl LISA. Yeah, I said her name. I don’t care either. She kept barking at me. I could see her being a total bitch if I was really fucking stuff up, but I wasn’t. I was trying to find the damn cocktail sauce and of course she was on the only one in the kitchen when I went in. She was like, “We don’t do it like that! You need to do it like this!” I’m down for constructive criticism, but don’t talk to me like I’m a moron. I realize that I do not know everything. That’s why I’m TRAINING! Stupid bitch. Supposedly she’s just like that, especially to new people. Give me a few weeks. I’m keeping my mouth shut now, but she won’t be talking to me like that after a while. We’ll have it out.

Later on Matt (the guy that is training me) left me with a girl that was on her 5th day. We were trying to take care of his tables. It was ok. But then this lady stopped me and was like, “Can we get some service?” SURE YOU CAN! But…this wasn’t our table. I took the drink orders. Here’s the catch. Many of the people that work in the evening are younger…college age. I get that I am not THAT OLD, but I have a decent work ethic. They were all standing around talking, hugging on each other, DOING NOTHING. The lady at that table ended up getting pissed off at us because she didn’t really have a server. Well, her server was standing around doing nothing.

They ended up telling me I did the right thing, but by then I was super annoyed. Luckily, it was time for me to go home.

DAY 3

Better day. I did quite a few things myself. Matt is an awesome trainer. The crappy part was having a table with a fucking restaurant owner. He owns a super huge steak house in Houston. He took the time to point out everything I could do better. It sucked getting critiqued by a customer, but he was right and I appreciated it.

There’s just so much to learn. I hate that I have no idea how to do anything. It’s different than working in retail, so it’s all new to me.

Anyway. There’s nothing too interesting to say about today. Things went smoothly. I’m just tired. And I’m nervous about the menu/drinks test I have to take on Saturday. I DRINK beverages, I don’t make them. So, I know I’m going to fuck it up. booooooooooooooooooooooooo lol

OTHER INFO:

I’ve lost some weight! HOORAY! I think it’s only like 5 lbs., but it’s something! lol

Ok, I’m done. No feminist news today, because I haven’t had a chance to check my sites yet. :)

Day 1

{ January 27, 2009 @ 10:01 pm } · { Feminist Rants, General Information, Politics...kinda., Uncategorized }
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I started at Applebee’s today.  It was kinda boring.  And it was busy, but they all said, “Aww! It’s slow today.” LMAO  I was like…ok….

I think the most interesting part was expo.  Helping that guy (of course I forgot his name, cuz there are too many damn ppl there) plate the food was fun.  I wouldn’t want to do that ALL THE TIME, but that’s the most interesting thing I did.  Looking at all that food made me HUNGRY.  I didn’t eat breakfast because there’s nothing to eat here (that’s another story).  All the food looked sooooooooooooo good, but I have to wait until I have some money.  So, I came home and ate tuna. blah

I think it will be ok.  Most of the people seemed pretty nice.  Of course there were a few girls that were pretty stuck up and didn’t wanna talk to me (I won’t name any names), but that’s how it goes.  I’m not there to make friends anyway.  I am there to make money.  Maybe I will make some friends in the process, but that’s not my main concern.

On another note…I am sure you all have been hearing/reading about the stimulus bill they are working on.  It has a section about state coverage of family planning.  Of course the conservatives (I wish they’d go away) kept saying that the government would be spending money on “contraceptives.”  WTF?  No…that’s not the point.  Don’t they understand that PREVENTING UNWANTED PREGNANCY CAN ALMOST ELIMINATE THE NEED FOR ABORTION?

I am obviously pro-choice.  At the same time people miss the point of organizations like Planned Parenthood.  I remember doing rotations at those places when I was in high school.  It was really helpful for lower income women or high schoolers that were “sexually-active”, but wanted to be safe and SMART about it.  How many abortions do you think this type of care eliminates?  How many girls could avoid getting pregnant at 15 or 16 if they had the right information?

Anyway,

House Democrats have removed a provision from their stimulus bill that would exempt states from the need to get waivers for covering family planning under Medicaid. The family-planning aid has been the subject of repeated Republican attacks over the past few days, and health care advocates were dismayed by the Democrats’ decision to give in on its removal.

I received this info via Feministing . It’s one of my favorite websites/blogs. There’s alot of great information there. Also, one of the editors
Jessica Valenti has written some really great feminist books. One of them Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters is really interesting. Brooke bought it for me, for my birthday. I couldn’t put it down. And if you don’t like the “academic” type writing, this is a great book for you to read. I was already aware of a lot of the information in it, but she’s so sassy and accessible.

Jessica also have another book coming out in April 2009 called . So, if you’re interested in that…buy it from Powell’s .

Ok…I’m done plugging my favorite sites. I’m going to finish my pizza now and wait for another exciting episode of Nip/Tuck!

Better or Worse?

{ January 24, 2009 @ 3:45 pm } · { Feminist Rants, Politics...kinda. }
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so…..I’m slightly more optimistic.  Slightly.  I just got a job at Applebee’s.  Yeah! I’m putting that college degree to work!

I got a call from Rent-A-Center.  I missed it.  It was for an Assistant Manager position.  I called the lady back and she hasn’t returned my call. booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I still can’t breathe.  It suuuuuuuuucks.  I’m at my grandma’s right now and I can breathe here.  But not at my mom’s house.  And yes, she’s still getting on my nerves.

On an exciting note….Obama has signed an executive order to overturn the global gag rule! YEAH! GO OBAMA!!!

In case you do not know what the global gag rule is, read here.

The short version:

The Foreign Assistance Act of 1961 (22 U.S.C. 2151b(f)(1)), prohibits nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) that receive Federal funds from using those funds “to pay for the performance of abortions as a method of family planning, or to motivate or coerce any person to practice abortions.”

These excessively broad conditions on grants and assistance awards are unwarranted. Moreover, they have undermined efforts to promote safe and effective voluntary family planning programs in foreign nations. Accordingly, I hereby revoke the Presidential memorandum of January 22, 2001, for the Administrator of USAID (Restoration of the Mexico City Policy), the Presidential memorandum of March 28, 2001, for the Administrator of USAID (Restoration of the Mexico City Policy), and the Presidential memorandum of August 29, 2003, for the Secretary of State (Assistance for Voluntary Population Planning).

That is from www.whitehouse.gov

Obama also has a ton of interest in women’s issues, here

I know that realistically he probably can not do ALL these things, but it’s nice to know that he took the step to get rid of that damn Mexico City Policy. Have a look. There’s something at the bottom about “making college more affordable.” That would be nice.

Anyway. Read up. There’s some good stuff on the www.whitehouse.gov site. I think Obama will do some great things for this country as long as people are willing to work with him.

Not Living Alone

{ January 21, 2009 @ 5:14 pm } · { General Information }
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Living with my mother is annoying.  Living with ANYONE is annoying.

I know this is her house, but she’s always touching stuff and moving it around. BLAH! STOP! She’s driving me nuts.  She never CLEANS and that bugs me too.  Then she acts like I’m materialistic because I like to take pride in my home.

There’s no meat in this house.  I KNOW….I know…I don’t have a job right now, but seriously? I LOVE rice, but I need MEAT in my diet.  She eats rice EVERY DAY! And she doesn’t really know how to cook anything.  I know how to cook, but there’s nothing to cook.  The food I brought with me was all “non-perishable” stuff.

Someone PLEASE pray for me.  I need this to be over SOON!  It’s dusty in here and she used to smoke in here (I put a stop to that shit real quick), and you know my allergies.  So, I have this cough with all this phlegm and I keep sneezing.  My brother’s room is my safe haven because I cleaned it and took out all his old bedding.  I also have my air purifier in there (which my mother takes upon herself to turn off).  But I’m not a teenager anymore.  I don’t like to hang out in “my room”.

I’ve tried dusting everything, but her furniture needs to go.  It’s full of ALLERGENS! She doesn’t care though.  She says “It’s dusty in El Paso.”  YEAH RIGHT.  I don’t cough and sneeze at my grandma’s house (which is super spotless) and I don’t cough and sneeze outside.

I wish I could make the best of this, but it sucks.  I can’t even hold a conversation with her because she’s so…..anti-social and not…I can’t even find a word for it.  My mother watches a ridiculous amount of television (she’s an addict), but she’s out of touch with reality.  I don’t get her at all.  And she doesn’t LISTEN to anything I say, so…whatever.

For those of you in El Paso….SAVE ME! Get me out of this house! I can’t breathe and I’m bored out of my damn mind.  I need some adult conversation, preferably with someone that can actually hold a conversation.

Blah.

On a slightly decent note…I had an interview at Applebee’s yesterday. HOORAY! MY DREAM JOB! (Hope you’re catching the sarcasm).  The last thing I want to do is be a SERVANT, but I dunno.  Plus, there are a bunch of high schoolers working there.  I wanted to slap a few of them while I was waiting for my interview.  I don’t know what I’m going to do if they hire me.  Oh the other hand, it’s money.

I think I’m going to go to my grandma’s house.  I need to get out of this death trap.  It’s killing my mood (obviously) and my respiratory system.

Nope

{ January 18, 2009 @ 4:42 am } · { Personal }
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So…I’m back almost a week later and I have nothing nice to say.

Of course, I haven’t found a job yet.  Most people won’t hire me because I am not bilingual.  I have something a little racist/prejudice to say about that but I won’t because in my heart I really don’t mean it.

My car STILL looks fucked up.  It’s going to cost $600 to fix and my deductible is $500.00.  I hate insurance.  It sucks too.

I went out with Nicholas last night.  I had fun talking to him since we haven’t seen each other in almost 5 years.  He bought me a few drinks.  I think I’m going to need a million more.

All of my friends are practically married, have jobs, and/or families so they do not have time for me and my complaining.  It’s hard to be here all alone.

I applied for a job at Peter Piper Pizza and I bet they won’t hire me either.  How sad is that? I know people that worked there in HIGH SCHOOL.

I hate El Paso.  They play music in a foreign language and I don’t like to dance to it.   Give me hip-hop at the club any day. (Wow….I sound so uncultured. LOL)

Obama will be our president in a few days.  You’d think that would make me a little more optimistic, but it won’t.  He gets to live in the fucking “White” House and I’m in ghetto-ass El Paso.  By the way! As much as I like Obama…..he didn’t grow up POOR like alot of Americans, so I don’t feel sorry for his ass.  Plus, he’ll make a bazillion dollars when he writes a memoir, after he leaves the “White” House.  Still…I’m happy he’s going to be the president.  I just don’t think that means much for me.

Maybe in a few weeks I will have something fascinating to say.  Probably not.

I will not date a single person while I am in El Paso, unless they are not from here.  I’m not from here anymore.  I am from no place.

Brooke:  I miss you.  Please come rescue me from this hell.  How did you ever make it out of here the second time?

Tonya:  I hear you.  I see you.  It’s just hard for me to talk to anyone from “my old life” right now.   I couldn’t even say good-bye to anyone because it was so hard for me to leave.  I WILL call you soon enough.  I just need to get my shit together.  And I am thinking about you too.  We both have to make this shit work.  Fuck Extensive Enterprises/Todd Pfalzgraf.

Breena:  I don’t know if you’re reading, but I’m sorry I didn’t say good bye.  It’s no fair that we met so late.  I will see you again soon.  Hopefully in a EASTERN TEXAS setting. Fuck this west texas shit.

To anybody else that’s reading:  I’m sorry if I’m insulting anyone.  I know some of you have difficult shit to deal with.  And I know some of you LOVE El Paso.  This just isn’t me anymore.  I’m young, single, and there’s so much more I want to experience.  I’m not ready to settle down.  Sure, I miss my mom and my grandma, but that’s what planes are for and that’s what phones are for.  I hate being here and knowing I’m back at square one.  I spent so many years wanting to get away from this place and now I’m back again.

I did say that I was going to move back at the end of January, but that was on MY TERMS.  THIS is not my terms.  I’m sorry, but this place is not for me anymore.  I’m seen other things and I want other things from this life.  El Paso has nothing to offer me and that’s why I left in the first place.

Anyway.  Chew on that for a while.  I will be in contact with you all soon enough.  I just have to straighten my emotions out.

I Hate This

{ January 13, 2009 @ 1:53 am } · { Personal, Travel }
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So…..I started my drive to Texas and of course my life gets worse as I get closer to hell.

I hit a deer.

It was already dead and in the middle of the road.  But it was dark and I didn’t see it until it was too late.

For some reason it did not occur to me to STOP after I ran over a LARGE animal going 70 mph.

I stopped like 200 miles up the road to find my entire back bumper….gone.  the whole fucking thing.

Photobucket

Photobucket

You know what makes this REALLY HILARIOUS (I hope you’re catching my sarcasm)?  I have been rear ended THREE TIMES and there is barely a fucking dent.  Now?  My car looks like a piece of shit.  You know what makes it even better?!? I’m still making payments on it AND I don’t have a fucking job.

You know, I was trying to be optimistic about this, but I’m done.  I don’t wanna go to fucking El Paso.  I hate it there.  I’m going to hate living with my mother even more, because she NEVER LISTENS.  She thinks she knows everything about my situation.  I’m telling her about my car and she tells me not to be so dramatic.  I’m sorry?  WHO THE FUCK IS GOING TO PAY TO GET MY CAR FIXED? Not her.  That’s for damn sure.

2009 is the worst year ever.  I lost my job, I had to give up the life I was creating for myself, my grandma has cancer, and now my car is fucked up and I can’t afford to fix it.

There have been a million times that I wanted to give up.  I never did.  But now? I don’t know.  Nobody is El Paso wants to hire me so far because I’m either over qualified or under qualified.  And I lost my job because I don’t have it in me to be FAKE and play the stupid office politics.  I just don’t think I can do this.  Everything is always fucking hard. ALWAYS.  I know life isn’t supposed to be easy, but can I get a fucking break?  It’s been like 25 years of hell.  Why should I look forward to the next 25?

I’m sure at this point you all want to offer words of encouragement.  Don’t bother.  Nothing you say will make me feel any better about this bullshit.

Oh and even better?  I stopped at a hotel even though I didn’t want to.  And of course I’m not paying attention because I’m so screwed up about everything else.  I walked into the Comfort SUITES.  The guy says that all he has is a King.  Fine.  How much?  $89.99, plus tax.  GREAT! So I say fine.  Of course I didn’t realize that I was getting a SUITE.  I guess I would have noticed that if I had been more alert.  So, now I’m sitting in this room that cost $100.00 and I am not even going to sleep.

I fucking hate this and I want all of it to be over.  I really wanted this trip to be a time for me to reflect on things and prepare myself for what is coming up.  I wanted to tell you all about the cool things I saw along the way.  Now?  I’m on the Louisiana/Texas border and I”m falling apart.  Fuck “this will make you stronger”  I’m over that shit.

This year is off to a GREAT start. I have worked hard for NOTHING.

Supermodels are not FAT!

{ January 10, 2009 @ 9:28 pm } · { Feminist Rants }
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This kinda shit pisses me off.  I don’t usually get my “feminist info” from Perez Hilton, but this is crazy.  Of course he doesn’t say anything about how utterly RIDICULOUS this is.  BUt…..whatever.

wenn21761841

This is Karolina Kurkova.  She is a Victoria’s Secret Angel. Blah Blah Blah.  She’s beautiful.  She’s a SUPER MODEL.  So why are they saying these things about her?

Talk about unrealistic standards.

Hottie Czech supermodel Karolina Kurkova has been under intense scrutiny and faced some tough criticism lately. Apparently, the thin model gained some weight last year.

The Brazilian media even criticized the 24 year-old in June for her supposed “cellulite and love handles” after walking in the Sao Paulo Fashion Week. They also called her “too fat” after she walked in the Victoria’s Secret lingerie show in Miami last November.

In order to get “slim” for the lingerie show, Kurkova has said she dieted on mainly fresh veggies, protein, and salad.

And, even before last November’s show, a source said she cut out all carbs and worked out for hours in order to get slimmer like the other Victoria’s Secret models. The friend says, “She was exhausted and didn’t get down to where she wanted to be.”

In fact, Kurkova almost didn’t make it into the VS show due to her weight, they claim. It wasn’t until the last minute that they decided to include her. That explains why her name wasn’t on any of the pre-show press materials.

But, according to another insider, it seems her weight “problems” are attributed to the ever popular thyroid disorder which is said to mess with her metabolism.

Forbes states Kurkova is currently the eighth highest-paid supermodel in the world. So she’s obviously doing something right!

I guess Perez shows a little sympathy, but that’s not really his job, is it?

This makes me so mad. This woman busts her as to fit into our stupid fascist beauty standards and look what happens! She gains NOTHING and they won’t let her be in a fucking fashion show. On top of that they have to make excuses for her saying that she has a “thyroid condition.”

Maybe some of you don’t see the big deal, but this bothers me. For those of you that have always had issues with your weight, or people like me that are experiencing it for the first time, this SUCKS! And it’s hard for me to look at. I’m 5′10″ and I now weigh 180 lbs…..what would the Brazilians think of me? I guess I’m just a gluttonous American, with no self control? Or maybe I have a MAJOR thyroid issue.

Ass holes. She should quit modeling and work for a non-profit. Then maybe people will pay attention. Probably not, but at least she could be a role model for other young women.

Now I am going to drink beer and dance my worries away. This is such bullshit.

Waiting

{ January 7, 2009 @ 3:57 am } · { Personal }
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My last few days in Charlotte are upon me and I’m not sure how I feel about it.  It’s almost 4 AM and I can’t sleep.  Nothing unusual there.  I just haven’t taken my meds, but if I do I will sleep all day.  If I do that I will NEVER finish packing.

I just found out that my grandma has cancer.  It was in her stomach and it has spread to her pancrease and her liver.  They say there’s nothing they can do and chemo will only make it worse.

I seems like just the other day I was telling some friends about how my grandma is always on the go and she never stops.  This is not a bad thing.  She turned 76 in September.  Now…it seems like everything is coming together and falling apart all at the same time.  Apparently, I was fired from my job and forced to move back to El Paso because my grandmother is not going to be around much longer.  I hate to say that.  I guess it’s true, but it still hurts to say it.

I keep thinking about how HARD this is going to be.  I don’t want to go back to El Paso.  There’s nothing there for me except my family and some friends.  Well, that doesn’t equal NOTHING.  But as far as my life getting better…I just can’t really see it.  I never wanted to be in El Paso in the first place and I left for so many reasons.  Now I have no choice but to return to what I think is a black hole, the bermuda triangle.

I really wanted things to get better.  My grandma being sick is not better.  Moving to El Paso because I was FORCED to is not better.

2009 has not started out well.  I’m just going to keep thinking that it HAS to get better.  I have to make it through to the other side.  Otherwise, what do I have to look forward to?