Archive for April, 2009

Playing Catch-up

{ April 26, 2009 @ 8:56 pm } · { Feminist Rants, Politics...kinda., books, sex }
{ Tags: , , , , , , , , , , } · { Comments (4) }

So…I’m spending my Sunday evening catching up on my feminist info. LOL I don’t have the luxury of surfing the web at work anymore, so I have to FIND time to do it. Weird.

Anyway, there are a few things I want to let you all in on. I read about a few of these things over the last week or so, but I haven’t had a chance to put this all together.

First….Emergency contraceptives are now available to people 17 and older! HOORAY! Before it was only 18 and older.

Notice that I said PEOPLE. Guys can buy that shit too. lol Birth control is not just the girl’s responsibility.

Something else I wanna point out while we’re on the subject:

1. It’s not just the “Morning After” pill. Last time I checked you could take it up to 72 hours AFTER sex without protection.
2. Not only people 17 and over have sex. This should be available to EVERYONE.
3. You can get emergency contraceptive without a prescription! I am not sure if everyone knows that. It hasn’t been very long since this has been a possibility (not even 2 full years). I had to get Plan B once, and I had to get a prescription.

And then…… I first read this via a Myspace Bulletin from Sarah (my Feministing and Feminist buddy!!!), but you can also find it on Feministe or Feministing.

The Dominican Republic has successfully banned abortion. But when I say ban I mean BAN! I’m sure some of you disagree with abortion. That is FINE! I’m just happy that we have a CHOICE! Can you imagine being RAPED and having the baby even if you don’t want to? Guys, can you imagine your wife dying because she had to give birth to a baby that the doctors said would KILL HER? Or what about incest? Your father/uncle/brother/cousin rapes/molests you. Well, if you live in the Dominican Republic you will have to have that baby. Well…according to the law.

Here’s my issue with this. It makes for a VERY unsafe environment for women. Can you imagine all the women that will die of infections or blood loss because they tried to give themselves abortions or had an unsafe (and now illegal) abortion?

Honestly, it disgusts me how much religion still influences the government. Don’t give me that “in God we trust” bullshit either. People came to settle in what is now the United States of America because they wanted RELIGIOUS freedom. I think conservatives should have their say too, so please don’t think I’m being one-sided. I just think that there should be a separation of church and state. We say there is, but there really isn’t. It’s just that the “church” doesn’t actually run the “state” on the surface. Unfortunately, I also think that it would be hard to separate them. Many people lead their lives according to their religion. It is their guidance. There is nothing wrong with that either, but I wish they didn’t expect ALL of us to do the same.

That being said, check this out. It’s called “The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion.” (I also stole this from Sarah, but it was for a good cause! ;) )

“So what does an anti-choice woman do when she experiences an unwanted pregnancy herself? Often, she will grin and bear it, so to speak, but frequently, she opts for the solution she would deny to other women — abortion.”

Here is a little excerpt for those of you that are too lazy to read about this little phenomenon.

“We too have seen our share of anti-choice women, ones the counselors usually grit their teeth over. Just last week a woman announced loudly enough for all to hear in the recovery room, that she thought abortion should be illegal. Amazingly, this was her second abortion within the last few months, having gotten pregnant again within a month of the first abortion. The nurse handled it by talking about all the carnage that went on before abortion was legalized and how fortunate she was to be receiving safe, professional care. However, this young woman continued to insist it was wrong and should be made illegal. Finally the nurse said, ‘Well, I guess we won’t be seeing you here again, not that you’re not welcome.’ Later on, another patient who had overheard this exchange thanked the nurse for her remarks.” (Clinic Administrator, Alberta)

Moving on…..

I love Target Women. I’m not talking about TARGET the store, although I do love that place. Watch this funny video. It’s short, so DO IT! I especially love:

“The worst thing a woman can be is single. Worse than leprosy, you ask? Yes. Because lepers live in colonies and single women live alone.”

Gotta love the sarcasm. And I can’t believe that VH1 show! Did they really subject those women to being called Cute or Crazy by an audience of men? WTF!!!! Oh and:

Rule Number 1: Don’t be WEIRD!

Or better yet, DON’T BE YOURSELF! (Sarcasm)

I’ll leave it at that. I just wanted to shed some light on a few things that some of you may not have known about.

Oh and GO CELTICS!!!!!!! (aka GO RAY!!!!!!) lol

Perez Hilton, Miss California, and Jay Smooth

{ April 25, 2009 @ 3:52 am } · { Feminist Rants }
{ Tags: , , , , , , , } · { Comments (2) }

If you don’t subscribe to Jay Smooth/Ill Doctrine on Youtube….YOU MUST! He makes really great videos. They are insightful. They can also be very short and funny, like the one I have posted below! I usually watch his videos on YouTube, but I got this one from Feministing. Check it out!

What do you think about what he said? He’s right about the words she uses. Unfortunately, most people are not able to choose to enter into a gay marriage. What planet is she from? lol

Please watch the video if you have a moment. It’s always fun to have a different take on things.

And I love the part where he mentions the “renaissance” fair. lol I agree. Miss America pageants are so archaic. haha

Paranoia

{ April 21, 2009 @ 3:22 am } · { CrAzY, Personal }
{ } · { Comments (2) }

So…I started reading this book.

I have been thinking for a long time that Bipolar II was not the correct diagnosis for me. .

But my real point right now…the paranoia and the fear.

This may seem random, but I think about it often. On and off, I have this feeling that the people around me (not random strangers, but people I know) are trying to do bad things to me. Sometimes I don’t have a reason and sometimes the smallest thing will set this off. You can look at me “the wrong way” and I get paranoid. Not psychotic episode paranoid, but definitely paranoid.

I fight people before they have the chance to hurt me. But that isn’t getting me anywhere.

I also have a fear of abandonment. Those of you that know anything about my past relationships know that I have a tendency to run before I get left behind. I also have a tendency to push buttons to get people to prove that they love me. This ultimately sends them running. It’s a cycle. I push because I am scared that they don’t really care for me and want to be around. I need to be reassured constantly. Then they leave. So, my fear is realized.

Don’t think that I don’t realize that the real issue in ALL my relationships (friendly or intimate) is me. I KNOW that. But how do you change who you are? And if it really does have to do with a chemical imbalance, how do you deal with it? I mean…I can’t exactly go to the doctor all the damn time. I already have two medical bills on my credit from my little stay on the psychiatric floor (not where they send the super crazy people…but I’m sure Britney Spears would know what I mean). I am aware that I overreact to many things. Actually, I’m usually aware that I’m overreacting while I’m overreacting. I just can’t control it.

I have known this about myself, but this book really put it in my face today. I got anxious while I was reading it.

They mentioned was the tendency to get bored with life and jobs/careers and having a constant emptiness.

I’ve always felt like I wasn’t like everyone else and I never quite fit in. They mentioned that too.

Let’s not forget the spending sprees, sexual escapades, and all around impulsiveness. Oh and the drinking that can get out of control from time to time.

It’s just so weird to pick up a book and read about every insecurity you have ever had. At the same time, I can’t put it down because I finally feel like someone understands what I have been going through all this time. The only problem is that there doesn’t seem to be a way to FIX it.

Don’t get me wrong. I have my good times. I have my surges of self-esteem and happiness. It just never last very long. Of course, I’m sure you all can see that in my blogs or my Facebook/Myspace status.

I dunno. I’ll keep reading and write more later. This is all ridiculously confusing.

Yawn

{ April 19, 2009 @ 11:49 pm } · { Boys }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

The boys here bore me. LOL

I don’t want to go into great details about my recent adventures, but let’s just say….YAWN!

A kiss is nothing when it doesn’t have feeling behind it. I have recently given out meaningless kisses. Ooops. LOL

So, let me tell you all about one of my recent adventures.

I met this guy and his friend while I was working. They were asking me what El Paso has to offer (in regards to “nightlife” and fun stuff to do). I mentioned some places that I go with friends. They were interested and wanted to hang out. Ok. Cool. We exchange numbers.

Excuse my choppiness, but I want to make this quick.

Anyway, this dude texts me every day for the last 4 or 5 days asking if I was free to hang out. Sometimes I can be sooooooooooooooo dense. I’m always down to meet new people. Especially people that, like me, have not spent their entire existence living in El Paso. New friends, why not? Well, of course he starts with the flirting and I kind of blow it off.

“So, do you want to do something fun and in public or quiet and romantic?”

And I responded with:

“Uhm…you could be a serial killer/rapist/psycho. So I’m going to go with very very public.”

But I do agree to go hang out today when I get off work.

So, he texts me around 1 asking if we were still going. I said yeah. Then right before I get off work, he says he wanted to reschedule. No explanation except that sometime else came up. Hmmm….like what? Honestly, I’m EXHAUSTED from working 6 days in a row (5 nights and 1 day = 50 hours). Staying home sounds good, but don’t act like I have all kinds of time on my hands to reschedule. LOL So, I basically said,

“You have been bothering me all week about going out and then you cancel at the last minute. And you want to reschedule? lol”

Are you serious? You were sooooooooo busy that you couldn’t come out at the time you set up, but you’re still texting me like 3 hours later? Please….if you wanted to go watch whatever game was on tv or play XBOX 360, all you had to do was say so. LOL I really wanted to come home, shower, and sleep anyway.

I guess my point is that most of the guys I meet (in general) are lame and try to play me. I have no interest in having a boyfriend or getting an STD. haha I’m open to having friendships.

Kissing is fun. Going out to eat is fun. Drinking is fun. But what do you get out of telling your friends, “oooh I got her number” or “ooooh I made out with her”? SO WHAT?

I have changed my number SOOOOOO many times. I can do it again. And I’ve kissed boys that I don’t necessary like a whole lot. There are only 3 in my whole life that I REALLY liked. Other than that? It’s all in fun, which is probably mixed with some alcohol.

Can someone explain to me what this is? Is it the chase? So, now you think you’ve “got” me and you’re done. Don’t waste my time. I don’t have the energy. Plus, not every girl is looking for her next “true love” or boyfriend. I was thinking we could have a few beers, watch a game, talk. That’s about it.

YAWN! I think I’m going to stop talking to boys for a while. The ones here are kinda boring. lol But at least it gives me something to blog about.

$80,000 to stay home? HELL YEAH!

{ April 13, 2009 @ 3:16 pm } · { work }
{ Tags: , , , , } · { Comments (2) }

What would you do if your boss said, “Hey, I’ll give you $80,000 to not come to work for a year.”

Check out this link. A law firm really offered this to their associates.

For most of us $80,000 is a HUGE improvement, but think about it if it were a third of what you usually make. Still, if you’ve been busting your ass for 6-10 years and haven’t had time to spend your money…and you’re still getting paid…….sounds good. You get to make up for the time you didn’t get to spend on yourself and/or with your loved ones.

I hardly ever ask you guys to comment, but I would like to know what YOU would/could do with this opportunity.

I would:
1. Volunteer with a organization that deals with women’s issues (rape, domestic violence, the improvement of women’s lives, etc.)

2. Catch up on my reading, especially all my feminist/women’s studies stuff. LOL

3. Take the time to work on me minus all the drama of working a job I HATE!

4. Spend more time with my family. Believe it or not.

5. I would cook and have dinner parties once a week for my friends. I miss cooking for others. I always did it for the Ex and I enjoyed it.

6. Redecorate if I had enough money to do it.

Changes

{ April 12, 2009 @ 10:45 pm } · { friends, work }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

This last week has been eventful to say the least. Where to start….

I saw Brooke. Her mom cooked and it was fantabulous. lol We watched bad tv like we used to when I was living in Charlotte. Good times.

Jessica and I got together Wednesday night. FUN TIMES! I have missed her. It’s hard because she has Willy (and let’s not forget Jack & Jill), so our friendship is definitely on the back burner. I guess I have a hard time dealing with it sometimes. In Charlotte I had girlfriends and we would just go out and do the damn thing. Here, my friends have other things going on in their lives. In reality, this place is WAY more family oriented than my Mini New York. We were all college grads with huge eyes and our futures in front of us. El Paso…well I guess the thing to do at 25 is settle down, get married, have kids. Regardless of my lack of understand, I know that Jessica is happy and I’m happy for her. I just wish I could see her more often!!!! ;)

Friday….I took a leap and went to a salsa class ALONE. lol I had so much fun and I met some really cool people. After that I went to the bar with the guys. Same old, same old. Nothing too interesting there, but it was fun.

Oh yeah. I almost forgot to mention that I quit the PX on Friday. Celeste pushed me a little too far. I was already dealing with her bullshit. She was ALWAYS FUCKING LYING and telling April and Victor shit that wasn’t true. I knew that and I NEVER said anything. But Thursday she sort of got us both in trouble because she took 3 hours to do promotion. Yes, I was riding with her. I told her that Victor said we need to hurry up and she said, “I am! And he said to enjoy this, so I’m going to.” I left it at that, but I stopped getting out of the van. I thought that would make her go fast. It really doesn’t take 2 people to do promotion, but there wasn’t a ton of work for us all to do at the store. Plus, I like to get out of the damn PX sometimes.

Anyway, we got back, Victor was kinda mad. I went to him and told him that it wasn’t my fault we took so damn long. Apparently, that bitch was so scared she was going to get in trouble she went to the GM and basically fucked it all up for everyone. Friday morning I went in and Toni whispered something to me like, “Be prepared.” Huh? lol Well April lectured us and Celeste showed her ass trying to throw me under the bus saying I wasn’t helping her. NOT TRUE. I recall trying not to eat dirt or fly away while we put up all those decals at the Cassidy Shoppette. But I guess that shit doesn’t count, huh? Plus I walked into half the places we went and helped her by holding the damn folder and handing her the signs. But ok.

At that point I told her I didn’t appreciate her attitude and I repeated what I said to Victor. She kept on and I shut my mouth. No point in making an ass of myself in front of everyone. A little while after that she came back to me on the floor and said, “Tiffany…I didn’t mean to be ugly….” And started on some bullshit in this sweet, FAKE voice. She won’t admit it, but I did kinda go off on her and she lied about telling April and Ms. Gunderson. I told her I was done and that she needed to get away from me. After that I knew that it would be a major problem since we all work so closely together. I really wanted to slap her, but I walked away instead. That’s why I hate women. She did that to me to save her own ass. I don’t fucking get it, but karma is a bitch and she will get hers. In the meantime….she can continue to talk shit about me. I like being talked about. lol

It’s like the Talib Kweli song with Justin Timberlake:

“The more I find my voice, the more they try to make it harder….it’s kinda hard to keep faith in the things that you do when everybody turns their back on you.”

I think I made the right decision. Plus, I called Applebee’s first to make sure I could go back full time. haha So…I’m back to serving full time, but it’s all good. I’ll figure things out

On Saturday I went to the casino with my mom and my grandma. I lost $200 AGAIN! I could have bought my new phone with that. lol Oh well. It was fun spending time with my family, especially since my mom NEVER wants to do anything with me.

Saturday night Brooke and I went out. I think we both realized that this place is lame. Hanging out with her really makes me want to just pack my shit and go back to Charlotte. If my grandma wasn’t sick I’d be out of here in a second. I have not ties here. MOST of the “friendships” I have here are superficial anyway. Someone else showed me that on Saturday….but I’ll get into that later.

Today I worked and it was SLOW….lol. But that’s ok because I was tired from the wild night out anyway. I had a lot of fun with Brooke even if we did end up at that lame club/bar. We got to watch people do “The Washing Machine” and the bad two step. lol

I let this get long. I was going to post the pics here, but I’ll just post them on myspace for your viewing pleasure.

DEUCES! :)

We’re BEAUTIFUL & Dirty, Rich….kinda….

{ April 6, 2009 @ 11:42 pm } · { Randomness, work }
{ } · { Comments (1) }

Oh how I love Lady Gaga. LOL  I think that girl could give Christina Aguilera a run for her money in the voice department.  And that’s a lot coming from me, cuz you guys know I LOOOOOOOOVE me some Christina.  Her Stripped album did not get enough recognition.  Seriously.  Check out Get Mine, Get Yours (my anthem for minute….) and Walk Away (my anthem for another reason…). Those are my favorites. And Lovin Me For Me and of course DIRRTY! I wish I could have been in that video! Give me a bikini, some chaps, and a choreographer and it’s on. LOL By far the trashiest pop video ever and I LOVE IT!

If I hadn’t made me….I’d have fallen apart by now…I won’t let them make me. It’s more than I can allow.

Brandon Boyd is sexy for some reason and Incubus is about to go on tour again. HOORAY! Of course, I am back in lame ass El Paso and NOBODY comes here.  They will be in Charlotte though.  Of course. Of course. Of fucking COURSE!  I’m thinking about going to Phoenix to see them in August.  But it’s so hot there! haha Unless of course Miss Delilah let’s me go visit her in Vegas and goes with me to the concert. (Hint. Hint)

Gavin Degraw is going to be at Speed Street in Charlotte this year. That is FREE! And a good time too. We went last year and had a blast. I will miss that this year. I’m so missing the life I left behind.

Oh yeah…and this song came on my IPOD today and I was like, “Heeeeeeeey!” haha I need to get that blonde ponytail she’s rocking in this video.

Anyway…the Tar Heels are the CHAMPS!

Oh this lady got shot at the PX on Saturday! Her husband walked in there with a gun and shot her! Wow…the FBI was there today questioning people and stuff. I’m soooooooooo happy I wasn’t working. It would be a minute before I went back. :( It’s weird too. When we got there today they were still replacing the carpet in the spot where he shot her. Toni (this girl I work with) sees ghost and stuff and she said she felt something weird when we walked by that spot.

I am going to start taking salsa lessons (and then some) next weekend!!!! I kinda know how to, cuz we used to go to Cosmo’s in Charlotte. Plus, I was always hanging out with Shileen and she does it ALL the time. But I figure I might as well be good at SOMETHING. Then I can find the hot spots here (if there are any) and go dancing. The “regular” clubs SUCK here, so I feel like this is my only option. I have been dancing ONCE since I’ve been here (the night me and Jess went out) and that’s about it. I’m going through withdrawals. haha It’s also a good way to work out and dancing has always been a great way for me to deal with my anger and anxiety. FUN TIMES AHEAD! Call me if you wanna go with me.

Oh yeah. My friend Toni (the girl from work) rides a motorcycle and she’s in a “gang”. LOL That’s what I call it cuz they have their little crew or whatever and they have “colors” that they wear. Well, today we ran into this guy that she rides with. I wasn’t really paying attention to him cuz we were supposed to be working. I walked up when they were talking about the jacket he wears when he rides. It was pretty cool. Since I was looking at his jacket, I didn’t really look at his face (Yeah I’m weird like that). Well tonight she text me saying that he wants her to introduce me to him. LOL Guys are funny. Too bad I wasn’t checking him out. Then I would have a better gauge of this situation. We’ll see what happens. They all go to bars and go riding all the time and she says he’s cool. I’m always down to meet new people, so…..I’ll update you later.

Anyway…I got really random with this. I guess I just felt like writing. ;)

Fast & Furious

{ April 5, 2009 @ 12:08 am } · { movies }
{ Tags: } · { Comments (1) }

This had me CRACKING UP!  Not all of them are funny…but LOL anyway.  I can’t wait to go see the new movie.  Anybody down to go see it Tuesday or Wednesday night?  I’d say Monday, but I will be drinking beer, eating wings, and watching Chapel Hill (that is how we refer to them in NC, especially those of us that went to another UNC) beat Michigan!!!!!!!   THIS is the source.

I originally saw this on ONTD and the comments people left are funny.

Person 1: Has Michelle Rodriguez done anything lately besides this?
Person 2: Community Service.

ROFLMAO. I don’t really like Michelle Rodriguez and I REALLY liked that. hahahahahaha.

Ok enjoy this and enjoy the rest of your weekend. (The ones I thought were funny are in bold & italics & underline.  Just so that you can know I am a TOTAL dork :)      )

Fast and Furious is out in theaters now, so we though it was fitting to take a look back at the movie that started it all. This started as a list of the 10 cheesiest lines from the movie and spiraled out of control. The suckiness of the dialog in this movie can’t be contained in a mere top 10 list. And that’s pretty much why we love it.

Vince: What’s up with this fool? What is he, sandwich crazy?
Leon: Nah, V. He ain’t here for the food, dog. He’s tryin’ to get in Mia’s Pants.

Insightful Critical Analysis: Obviously, Leon, Vince was not under the impression that he was actually crazy about the sub-par tuna sandwiches. But, thank you for providing a very literal, and ultimately accurate, assessment of the situation.

Brian: Hey man, he was in my face.
Dom: I’m in your face.

Insightful Critical Analysis: It’s not even really that horrible of an exchange, but it spawned this amazing internet Meme, so it’s worth noting.

Dom: Brian Earl Spilner. Sounds like a serial killer name. Is that what you are?
Brian: Nah, man.

Insightful Critical Analysis: Here’s a lesson in etiquette that applies to all social circles, including street racers: Don’t reply to rhetorical questions. Also, we are interested to know why the writers thought that sounded like a serial killer name.

Harry: Amateurs don’t use nitrous oxide. I’ve seen the way you drive. You’ve got a heavy foot. You’ll blow yourself to pieces.

Insightful Critical Analysis: In the plot, Harry is a guy helping out the cops because they strong arm him using some felony charges. Judging by the way this clunky line is delivered, it seems that the actor may have had the same deal.

Hector: They call me Hector. I got a last name, too, but I can’t pronounce it, so…

Insightful Critical Analysis: Hey, it’s funny because he’s ethnic. Right?

Letty: Rraawrrrr. I smell [sniffs] skanks. Why don’t you girls just pack it up before I leave tread marks on your face.
Skank: OK.

Insightful Critical Analysis: Michelle Rodriguez really cranks up the embarrassment factor when delivering any kind of line in this movie. Just seeing her on screen gives me that feeling we used to get watching Uncle Jessie’s band play on Full House. Plus, “OK” might be the greatest ever response to being called a skank.

Dom: What are you smiling about?
Brian: Dude, I almost had you.
Dom: You almost had me? You never had me. You never had your car.

Insightful Critical Analysis: It’s true, he never had you. That’s why he said, “Almost.”

Dom: I had Jesse run a profile on you, Brian Earl Spilner. You can learn anything on the Web, anything about anybody.

Insightful Critical Analysis: We love when movies mention the internet in slightly inappropriate ways. We would love to know what “running a profile” entails. It should be more like, “Jesse typed your name into Google.”

Vince playing the guitar

Insightful Critical Analysis: While this isn’t actually a piece of dialog, we feel that it’s one of the douchiest moments in the whole movie. If someone came to one of our parties and started playing that riff and making that face, he would not be invited to stay for cake.  (Tiffany’s comment:  AGREED!!!!!!!!!)

Dom: You can have any brew you want as long as it’s a Corona.

Insightful Critical Analysis: This one is open to interpretation. Is he joking because all of the beers are Coronas? Or is he really possessive of the sixer of Heineken he keeps in the fridge?

Agent Bilkins: You want time, buy the magazine. We don’t have time.

Insightful Critical Analysis: We see what you did there. Do you have People?

Tanner: Not that I want to contradict Harry’s fine judge of character, but Toretto did hard time for nearly beating a guy to death. He’s got nitrous oxide in his blood and a gas tank for a brain. Do not turn your back on him.

Insightful Critical Analysis: He nearly beats us to death with car metaphors. We wonder if he had mud flaps for eyelids. Maybe he had tiny windshields for fingernails, too.

Dom: I said a ten second car not a ten minute car.

Insightful Critical Analysis: Sure, the joke is lame, but the pose Vin Diesel strikes before delivering it makes it funnier than anything any of our favorite comedians have ever uttered.

Brian: You should be going to MIT or something
Jesse: Yeah, right. Nah, I got that….what’s it called? Attention disorder…
Brian: ADD?
Jesse: Yes, that shit.

Insightful Critical Analysis: Brian makes a new friend and then immediately belittles him by saying he’s not living up to his full potential. Dick move.

Leon: Look who it is. Old coyotes R us. I thought you weren’t hungry, pumpkin.

Insightful Critical Analysis: That is easily the worst nickname we have ever heard for anyone, ever.

Hector: All right. Now that’s valet parking.

Insightful Critical Analysis: Actually, Hector, valet parking is when someone parks for you. You just pulled up to the front of the store and got out of your car. That’s just called parking.

Leon: There’s no engines.
Dom: What do they plan on racing on, hopes and dreams?

Insightful Critical Analysis: Or other engines that will be coming later.

Dom: I live my life a quarter mile at a time.

Insightful Critical Analysis: It’s the most famous line in the movie and it’s still every bit as silly hearing it the 20th time.

Mia: It’s just the way my brother is though. Dom’s like gravity. Everything just gets pulled to him. Even you.
Brian: No, the only thing that pulled me in was you. Being friends with your brother is just a bonus.

Insightful Critical Analysis: Gravity is the force that actually does the pulling. That would make Dom like the earth or some other huge object with a gravitational pull. But, it’s hard to write a line for a woman to say that’s both scientifically correct and sets up a tremendously awkward pick-up line.

Tanner: It’s Toretto, Brian. It always has been Toretto. Tran and Hector are just fumes.

Insightful Critical Analysis: Hey, more car metaphors!

Brian: Nice car. What’s the retail on one of those?
Douche in Ferrari: More than you can afford, pal. Ferrari.

Insightful Critical Analysis: We can appreciate the California stereotype, but we actually do give credit to the writer in this case for identifying the Ferrari for the total car noobs in the audience.

Dreadlocks guy: Hey baby, you should be watching from the side. I wouldn’t want to get any exhaust on that pretty face.
Letty: How ’bout you put your money where your mouth is?
Dreadlocks guy: Well, how ’bout I race you for that sweet little ass?
Letty: If you want ass, why don’t you hit Hollywood Blvd. You want an adrenaline rush? It’ll be two large.

Insightful Critical Analysis: We honestly have to turn our heads when this scene comes on. It’s so ’90s extreme sports cliché that we expect Dan Cortese to jump out wearing a snap bracelet.

Jonny Tran: SWAT came into my house. Disrespected my whole family because somebody NARC’d me out. And you know what? It was you!

Insightful Critical Analysis: Why does he ask him the question before accusing him? If Microsoft Word heard his accusation, it would tell him that he was using the passive voice and that he should consider revising.

Dom: The other night I had a dream that you and I were on a beach in Mexico.
Letty: Really?
Dom: Really.

Insightful Critical Analysis: Their English teachers would be proud that they’re making use of foreshadowing. Their drama teachers would be driven to drinking by their wooden, emotionless acting.

Dom: That’s not what I had in mind.

Insightful Critical Analysis: One of your best friends just died, you smashed up your dead dad’s car and you almost killed yourself. That’s the perfect time for a witty one-liner. Bravo.